A Million Ways to Die in the West by Seth MacFarlane

By Seth MacFarlane

From the author of Family Guy and director of Ted comes a hilarious first novel that reinvents the Western.

Mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark is uninterested with the cruel lifetime of the yankee frontier, the place it kind of feels every little thing and whatever can kill you: Duels at excessive midday. Barroom brawls. toxic snakes. Cholera-infected consuming water. Tumbleweed abrasion. anything referred to as "toe-foot." Even a visit to the outhouse. certain, there are one million how you can die within the wild, wild West, and Albert plans to prevent all of them. a few humans imagine that makes him a coward. Albert calls it logic. but if his female friend dumps him for the main unbearable man on the town, Albert makes a decision to struggle back—even notwithstanding he can't shoot, experience, or throw a punch. thankfully, he groups up with a stunning gunslinger who's tricky adequate for the either one of them. regrettably, she's married to the most important, meanest, such a lot jealous bad-ass at the frontier. seems Albert has simply came upon one million and one how you can die within the West.

Show description

Read Online or Download A Million Ways to Die in the West PDF

Similar adventure books

The Legend of Luke: A Tale from Redwall

In this 12th e-book of the masterful Redwall epic, storyteller Brian Jacques is going again in time to the times earlier than Redwall, revealing with dramatic poignancy the legend of the 1st of the awesome Redwall warriors--Luke, father of Martin.

Joined by way of Trimp the Hedgehog, Dinny Foremole, and Gonff--the ever-mischievous Prince of Mousethieves--it is that legend Martin hopes to find whilst he embarks on a dangerous trip to the northland shore, the place his father deserted him as a baby. There, in the carcass of an excellent pink ship--broken in part and wedged excessive up among pillars of stone--he ultimately uncovers what he has been trying to find: the real tale of the evil pirate stoat, Vilu Daskar, and the valiant warrior who pursued him relentlessly over the excessive seas, looking to break Vilu in any respect charges, no matter if it intended deserting his simply son.

The Saint Closes the Case (Simon Templar 'The Saint', Book 3)

Put up yr word: First released in 1930

When Simon and Patricia bump into a central authority scientist checking out a weapon of mass destruction, the Saint comes to a decision to place a cease to it. but if the Saint's arch-nemesis Rayt Marius turns up, the Saint's plans cross off beam, top certainly one of his neighbors to make the final word sacrifice.

Vendetta for the Saint (Simon Templar 'The Saint', Book 37)

The Saint is on vacation in Naples whilst a brawl interrupts his lunch; a tweedy English vacationer has casually addressed an Italian as Dino Cartelli—provoking the paunchy person so named to set his hulking henchman at the bewildered Briton. The Saint intervenes, and shortly the confrontation is all yet forgotten…until the next morning’s newspaper headlines demonstrate that the Englishman has been murdered.

Extra resources for A Million Ways to Die in the West

Example text

Yes, Lord Ombra,” said Nerezza. ” CHAPTER 2 THE SCOUTING PARTY THREE DUGOUT CANOES, EACH PADDLED by four hardmuscled men, slid through the rolling indigo sea, which was empty from horizon to horizon. The afternoon sun blazed in a radiant blue sky that was equally empty, save for a low white cloud to the east. The paddlers wore only loincloths. Their skin, sun-baked to a deep bronze, glistened with sweat. Each man’s back was almost entirely covered with what appeared to be a large tattoo —a random pattern of dark swirling lines.

The men obeyed, though it took four of them to carry the coach driver up the companionway. They carried him down the gangway and left him lying on the dock, unconscious. He would awaken the next day with no idea how he’d gotten there, remembering nothing but a vivid, hideous nightmare. Belowdecks, Nerezza stood outside his cabin door. He dreaded going inside, but he had no choice. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped inside. His cabin was cold now. The dark swirling shape had moved to the corner.

Said Molly. Leonard hesitated before responding, and for a moment Molly thought she had pressed too hard. Until recently, her parents had revealed little to her about the inner workings of the Starcatchers. But since the awful night at Stonehenge, and the courage Molly had displayed there, Leonard had been more willing to answer his daughter’s questions. “Actually,” said Leonard, “what’s most troubling is something that didn’t happen. That was a very large batch of starstuff we had—the largest in centuries, at least.

Download PDF sample

Rated 4.00 of 5 – based on 44 votes